* 'fabelhaftes' Leben von meinen*

2006-10-08T03:03:00.000-07:00

2006-09-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

Stressd up!!
exams round the corner..or should i sae it is TMR!!!
TENSION!!

2006-09-12T03:07:00.000-07:00

changes..why must this ever exist in this world..haiz..well some changes maybe good..but some arent...
yesterday was the happiest day of my couzin's life...congratulations to him...He's now a father!!!!hurray!!!and that makes me an aunt...haiz..it makes me feel so old..imagine my dearest nephew calling me auntie efe...haiz...or even worst makcik...well it could be fun though, being an aunt..but its a boy..so things are going to be VERY tough..young boys are sooooo irritating...*no offence*
then today...i had a tiff with my bestie..or sould i say...STB bestie..haiz..things are getting from bad to worst..i have to admit that i really do love, treasure and cherish her...she's been by my side all along...giving me advises...that sometimes maybe a bit out or ridiculous...but still at least she made the effort to lend me a hand...but i don't know why..these days..i'm just so pissed off with her..with her change..or is it my change??but still, things are bad...today was the greatest blow the two of us had..after the ssc..she placed her envelope with her range inside my bag..but in the end, she forgotten to take it back...then yesterday, i was suppose to pass it to her..but as usual, the forgetful me...haiz..then today, i BROUGHT it along...yerps with thousands of irritating reminders by her...the moment she got the envelope she opened to see if everything's inside..but unfortunately, her range's not there...so she somehow blamed me for that...like WTF..it really isn't entirely my fault..i didn't ask her to put her envelope inside my bag..she's like sooo unreasonable...
then today had some argument with this someone...i was like so pissed off with her...during P.E...after running 3 rounds around the school, we had basketball...she was playing when the ball hit eunice's head..she didn't even apologised...that wasn't the first time..she did the same thing to me, monica..haiz..we're soo damn pissed off..then, after that the two of us got this heated agrument...haiz..one more thing..she's not fit to be the....
***if you're reading this, i hope you change...it's for your own good

2006-09-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

just came back from this lame ssc...FINALLY the last ever camp for this cca...made new friends...it was just an OKAY camp..not too strict...this is the first time the sea joined us...thought it was going to be fun..but there was totally NO interaction between the two district...the sea was too arrogant and troublesome...
during the aar, there was a huge disagreement between the two districts...because of this complain king..but before that, there was some disagreement...but not that big..so when this guy from the sea complaint about their CLTs, the land was jeering...i was included...i really hate people like this...haiz...how could they??its too EVIL!!!imagine you are one of the CLTs...im sure you will feel angry...this is suppose to be senior specialist course...not a senior citizens' course(according to CLT Joshua) ...so its torture and more torture...haiz...didn't expect the sea to be soooo weak...

photo of Akim platoon 1

2006-08-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Mr Humphries

He's not a local Singaporean, he's from
Scott that is why he speak very good english...And also, he's a Science teacher..a very good one...before i know him, to be honest, i HATE science..it the most dry subject ever..but wit him aroud...he made each lesson fun and unforgettable...besides that, he is also my art teacher..but a weird and interesting one...during every art lessons, we will have to do a mindmap on drawing blockfor science..the reason why i say it's interesting is because...we get to be creative (doing the art piece itself) and, learning and understanding the science topic at the same time...

Often during his lessons, he would share his experiences and also some pictures...there was this time when he brought a pictures of him when he was a young boy...he was soooooo cute back then...a lovely and cute boy...

His jokes are funny...so funny that i would still laugh to myself thinking about them..he was the first teacher that had inspired me inside-out...and now he's gone...he has retired...and i really miss him so...i miss the laughters and suprisingly his scoldings...on top of that, i would like to wish him a 'Happy Retirement' and a very 'Happy teachers' day!!!'

2006-08-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

on last saturday...had practice for the ssc..my unit combined with the macp's guys...together with sir hadi...then i had my YMCA project to complete...very stressful...but things turned out OKAY..faris, springfield helped out...
then ath invited me and faris to josette's jamming...it was GREAT!!!really great...fun like hell..hahaz...to be honest, i felt quite weird...i was the odd one out as i know none of them...hahaz..then things got better...plus, during the session...hahaz..there was this guy...whom i really think is blur-cute..hahaz..really..he resembles a bit like my cousin...hahaz..*BLUSHING*

2006-08-20T01:25:00.000-07:00

oh god, i really miss my national camp friends...well, i really do...that camp was the best camp camp i ever attended...

thats syed on the right, hafis centre and finally malik

thats syed on the right and malik on the left

amir (the front guy in yellow), malik in black, adi the one next to him,not sure who is beside adi, hafis behind the unknown guy, sir rafeeq the one orange, then me =) in between me and rafeeq is dianah, then another m'aam(forgot her name),ayu in yellow, and ain in white

suzi in black (squatting), then me =), rafeeq, dianah again in between us, ndiy in red, suraya in green, then don't know, don't know, don't know and finally the m'aam

maryam on the left and hafis from A.I on the right

god it was so fun..memories that won't be forgotten...
val--> she's chindian...paul twohill look and sound-alike, really close to her...miss her soo much
dianah--> another funky and screw-loose girl, miss her lots
ain--> she's really cute and funny
maryam--> the girl i was dared to kissed...my first kiss to a girl..hahaz...shes tall, not really that tall, but taller than me
malik-->the 'charming' guy that melts almost every girl in camp...
syed--> the horny and disgusting yet fun to be with guy
hafis(the darker one)--> erm...similar to syed
adi-->not really talkative
hafis(A.I)-->he's cute!!!(but no special feelings for him)but alot of people say he looks like g**..

2006-08-17T02:34:00.000-07:00

my mind keeps thinking about what my bestie said a few days back...'Are you alright?You are not yourself lately.You seem to have changed'...
i keep asking myself..'is it true?'...'did i change for the better or for the worst?'...
well, thinking about it...yeah, maybe it's true..maybe i've changed..but is it for the better or for the worst?haiz..this is something i, myself can't jugde...but yeah, i've changed...it seems like im drifting away from my friends...from ath, ndiy....i seem to be quiet around them...and it's like so unlike me...but why?what's up with the change?i, myself don't know why...and now, im starting to miss ALL my friends...
FARAH ERFINA!!!where the hell are you?!!!do come back!!!

2006-08-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

so i've been tagged by dearest ATH:

RULES

Do it without complains
choose 5 people to do this after you have completed yours
Leave a tag on the their board to say he/she has been tagged
start your post with "I've been tagged"

10 Favourites:

colour: red, black and purple
food: nothng in mind
songs: lots of them (mostly from THE VERONICAS)
movie: erm, not fond of that
sports: i used to enjoy running and swimming but now too lazy
season: i love snow!!
day of the week: erm, fridays i enjoy the ncc training
ice cream flavour: erm cookies n cream, caremel, vanilla, chocolte( oh god, i'm missing them)
teacher: MR JASON ONG!!
subject: Mathematics

9 currents

mood: damn tired
taste: erm, there's nothing in my mouth
clothes: shorts and tee
desktop: my family photo
toenail colour: erm red
time: 9.15pm
surroundings: peaceful but on the phone with my national camp friends
annoyance(s): on the phone with my 4 friends; dianah, syad, malik, val
thought(s): erm, irritated

8 best

bestie: Azureen(by k1 friend)
performance: k2 (graduation)
movie: i cant remember
piercing: when i was a toddler (i can still remember how hard i cried)
lier: i'm a big fat lier so i don' remember
music: from britney spears (baby hit me one more time)
car: erm, it will be....???
boyfriend: edi yamin(is that how i spell it??)

7 last

drink: lychee drink
car ride: erm..cab i think...
embarrassing moment: during cutter pulling (haiz, so paiseh)
movie seen: im not a movie geek but the last one is...JUST MY LUCK
phone call: more like a conference call with syed, malik, dianah and val
cd played: erm...kelly clarkson's album
scolding: erm...yesterday, from mother..for not cleaning up my room

6 have you ever

date one of your bestfriend: erm, ya..but things didn't work out..i felt so weird and ask for the break up
broken the law: erm...i think so
been arrested: NEVER!!!
skinny dipped: no
been on tv: nope..but soon..hehe..just joking
kissed someone you didn't know: nope..but i won't mind if he's good-looking

5 things you are wearing

school blouse
shorts

4 things you have done today

meet up with mr tang today after school
became the timer for the debat (like what the hell)
chat with my national camp friends
passed the message to the peeps about next week(hafis thingy)

3 things i can hear now

voices from the tv
music
engiene of the motorcycle

2 things i can't live without

oxygen
music

1 thing you do when you are bored

SING!!!lalalalalala

the 5 people i demand to do this...

val
dianah
jannah
ndiy

2006-08-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

life has been very hard..both me and ndiy...haiz...what the hell that freak wants from us...ATTENTION-SEEKER...but well, i took it too hard..i broke down...and for the first time..ndiy did it too..all my life being a best friend of hers, i've never seen her like that...it's too much..but now, the both of us don't really care about it anymore...but we are really eager to know the person's identity...*who could that person be??*
P.O.P is OVER!!!!hahahz...happy like hell...the process was sooo frustrating...and i was given the post USM..argh!!ndiy got her wish..haiz..i really screwed up the ceremony..especially taking the plegde...well to be honest, i didn't memorize it overnight..i really thought that ndiy's going to take over basirah's post..and i was told by the seniors that i was given the ASM post..so i don't see the need of memorizing the pldge..haiz...i don't really want the post...but there's nothing i can do...but hahaz..i'm just the acting USM...so i guess i have to wait until ssc...and we'll have a new USM...but for now, i guess i have to do my job...*plus, i don't think i'm that strict...am i?*
YMCA..YMCA..YMCA!!!!!argh!!it's so frustrating...haiz..well some part of the project is quite fun..especially when there's alot of volunteers and people supporting your project..but when it comes to designing the backdrop and writing the sponsor letters, it's soooo argh!!!but as a leader, i have to my job...my group members re back..hahaz..=)but i think there's no need as my sec. 2s are like some sort of a substitude..but nevermind...hope i can go on..hahaz...

2006-07-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

there's nothing more i can loose..a friend in need is a friend indeed...
why can't people around try to understand..in times like this, you will finally know the truth...who is your true friend...eveyone is fake...they are just putting up an act..but why is it so...it really beats me...*sigh*...never did i thought the person i trust would do this...just putting up an act and playing the role 'mr. nice guy'....welll this isn't the first time he ever did to me...well there was once he sabotaged me in my previous relationship...thought he was helping out, but no...i was wrong...and i was really blind to not notice that...why?why?
people, if you ever hate anyone...just ignore that person...don't try to be nice...cause things would get uglier than you can ever expect....

2006-07-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

wednesday had arrived..this day, all of us are going to the family court with mother...mtoher wants to see his reaction when he sees us...haiz..i don't want to go..but i have no choice..i still go to scholl as normal..only that i have to leave early..i wasn't myself that day..my mind is full of thoughts...thoughts about later..i was pissed with almost everyone...even my bestie..early in the morning we talked about the p.o.p...the people wanted to wear no. 3..the one with the skirt..but i lost my skirt during the spec. course...i told her that..and she replied..;'that's your problem...'..i was like freakin pissed...she's the usm and she ought to take note and maybe to somehow change the plan..plus..im the asm and we ought to discuss this together...she can't just make the decision alone...i soo pissed that i just walked off..i'm really sorry ndiy..but i just can't take it..my mind was somewhere else...and i just can't think..i'm REALLY SORRY...then during break time, izwan was pissed with me..to izwan: if you're reading this...i truly am soooo sorry...i didn't meant it...pls forgive me...then after break time, as i entered the classroom..that bloody de li purposely made me trip..and i did...i was soooo pissed and i shouted at him..and that freaking gladys, she laughed..she think its funny...but it's not..in the future if she ever do this again, i'm really going to slap her face..coz its really rude to interupt people's conversation...
then at 11.30, i had leave for home..i need to prepare to go to the family court...blablabla...on the way there, in the cab, mother gave instruction on what to do when we see him later...she nag and nag and nag...typical moms...i didn't really listen, my mind was thinking about something else..about that jerk...
once we reached there we had a security check...they confiscated my mp4 as the frame is broken...and they fear that i would use that as a weapon..hahaz...very funny..well blame it to faez...we sat at the sofa right outside this room...he's not there yat..so mother kept reminding us about everything...she seems soo excited...don't know why..hahaz...then the officer called out her name...she was led into the room in front of us...stepdad followed her in, leaving all 5 of us outside...i was looking around when my eyes caught attention at this guy..we exchanged glance..my mind goes;' he looks sooo familiar..who the hell is he??..omg!!!it's him!!!'...how stupid and blur can i be..hahaz...no wonder he looks so familiar..he hasn't change that much..only that his hair seems greyish..hes not as fat as i imagined...he seems soo fit and don't look like someone who's sick..his freaking mother claims that he's down with depression...hahaz, what a joke..as instructed by mother, we were not suppose to salam (some kind of greet) them..so we pretended as though we didn't notice them; that jerk...our supose-to-be-aunt and grandad...our 'aunt' saw my 1st sis...and she called out for her...prtending not to hear would not be a good idea...it will seem so FAKE!!so she just smiled and looked away..our aunt asked; tk salam atok...(which means you guys not greeting grandad??)...as instructed, we just ignored her...then they walked off, away from our sight...then without much expectation, our 'aunt' approached and asked the same question again...we greet her and ignored the question...her reply..;'so evil'..well, look who's talking now...then she walked into the same room ,as mother had, with that jerk..
then moments later mother came out with stepdad...not long after the other party did the same...the discussion was over..and we could leave the court already...but mother insited on waiting until he and his famliy leave...she wanted to see his reaction to see us...after some discussion with his lawyer, they make their leave...they walked past us...and he turned and looked at me!!he smiled at me...as hatred had grown out of me for ages, i rolled my eyes at him!!hahaz...i can't believe i did that...i thought i was going to suffer from a breakdown knowing that i'm a sensitive and emotinal person...i wanted to leave the place and somehow follow that jerk from the back..to see if he would approach us...but mother didn't listen..she said it would be soo obvious that we were waiting for him...hahaz..'mother, isit true??..'minutes later, we too left the court...there he was!!!standing at the pick-up point..somehow waiting for us to leave to place...he looked at us...i saw him doing that..well, i actually kind of miss him..hello!it's been about 7 -8 years since i last saw him...then, he called out for my 1st sis..not verbally but by using hand signs...sis panicked and told my mother about that..but the moment she turned back...he had already crossed the road but his eyes were still at us...i think he miss us...erm..but i'm not sure..he's a weird person so no one would understand him...we were walking towards the station to send my sisters off...but as we turned to face the road, we saw their car..and he was looking at us...mother said;'he miss and wish to see you guys..but he's not a gentleman...'..true enough...well, all guys are the same..hahaz..to egoistic...*no ofence, just stating the facts*
after that, we set off to lavender to make my ic..hahaz..finally...=) took photo..well, no comments on that..but its obviously better than the previous one...=)
then went off to have our lunch-cum-dinner..hahaz..what i meant is..its having lunch and dinner at the same time...get it?..nvm...after that, mother made plans with her sis; my aunt..that freaking b**** mother to meet at orchards...well, she's late..always late...she made us wait..and i really hate that...then met her for a while but she had some discussion about don't know what..hahaz..so my family went off to far east without her...then we had shopping..1st sis is now an air-stewardess and a part-time relief teacher so she needed more formal clothings...then after that, we met up with my aunt at cahaya..erm..some kind of restaurant...then, after that, we headed home..but we had to wait for uncle...coz mother wants to borrow aunt's cd..and it's inside her car..and uncle is driving it..aunt asked me to help her purchase burger from bruger king..so i did so...then, there's this guy erm..he's a black american...he was behind me with his friend...then he asked me something...i don't understand his essence..so he had to repeat himself alot of times...hahaz..he thought i was a foreigner..a latin girl..hahaz..do i really look like one??..he asked for my..nvm..forget it..

2006-07-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

i've changed!!seriously..i don't seem to know myself anymore..hahaz...*is that supposed to be a gd or a bad thing???*well, so yar, i've changed..to me, its kind of a good thing..it's about time for me to change..and i ought to thank my sir!!hahaz, thank you!!!i owe you one..
nothing much happened today..but it was quite unforgetable...hahaz...izwan was sitting on the teacher's table..as usual, he was doing his thing; disturbing people..then, kz came along...i wasn't too sure of what happened...but hahaz, kz's pants got torned!!hahaz..the hole was BIG!!hahaz..so big, that his boxers can be seen..hahaz..*was he even wearing boxers??*hahaz..but lucky thnig, his pants was loose..hahaz..
then during lunch time, the group, as usual, had a casual conversation...i was damn bored and i began punching aidil..hahaz..my new punching bag...then, the whole group started pinching each other..hahaz...izwan's pinch was like hell painful..hahaz..i wonder how he can do that soo well..every time i try to pinch someone, it won't turn out painful..it's sooo frustrating

2006-07-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

had a tiring day today..
we had ncc training today..we were suppose to have p.o.p..but the senior ncos were unavailable..so..we had to postpone it AGAIN!!haiz...but today, i really had fun and i learnt a lot of new things...i'm begining to have the hang of giving commnds..and im starting to have confidence in myself...=)..but halfway training, during the break time, i saw it...haiz..it really hurts me..well, i just want to let things go..but it's really hard..i just..haiz..
then later..i went to this website..then it says:
'During the first three weeks of November, a blast from the past may surface. Even if this person isn't begging for another chance, they're probably testing the waters to see if you'd be willing to give it another go.'
i know i shouldn't believe in such things but..nvm..but what if it's true..and who is that guy??could it be..haiz..can't be..i think he's sooo over me...
*farah, why are u thinking about this too much????*
I'M GOING FOR THE NATIONAL CAMP!!and i ought to thank ndiy, my bestie..i love u soo much..muaks!!!

2006-07-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

what is up with me???
today, SERIOUSLY, i'm not myself...i was acting like a...erm..a mad person..no joke..well actually earlier in the day, i wasn't feeling too good...i was feeling kind of tired due to lack of sleep...but after physics lesson, my mood went very high up..as i was walking back to my classroom from the physics lab, i gazed up..there IT was!!made an eye contact..it was kind of weird..but i don't know why..i am starting to feel things again..but is it the right choice???nvm..
since today is an international friendship day, the school organized some games..the sec. 3s had frisbee...my classmate didn't win..hahaz..well of course..the team manager is none other than IZWAN!!hahaz..after the game, we went straight to fp...haiz...izwan gave me a smack on my back..it hurts sooo badly that i cried..the feeling simply s****!!well, izwan was kind of scared to see me cry..hahaz..till he offered me to smack him..hahaz..

2006-07-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

i received an email earlier it goes:
Sand and Stone
Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an agrument and friend A slapped friend B in the face. Friend B was hurt. But without saying anything, he wrote on the sand;'Today my bestfriend slapped me in the face.'They continued their journey. They kept walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. Friend B got stuck in the mire and started to drown, but Friend A mananged to save him. After Friend B recovered from the near-drowning, he wrote on a rock; 'Toady my best fiend saved my life.' Then, Friend A asked him;' After i hurt u, you wrote it in sand and now, u write it on stone, why?' Friend B replied;' When someone hurts you, you should write it in sand and where winds of forgiveness would blow it away. But if someone does something good to you, you must engrave it on a stone so that no wind can blow it away.'

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND

AND

TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

2006-07-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

it has been 3 days since i came back from my OBS camp...i really had fun there...i miss my team members; Raleigh except for one person..which is that P**Q*..oh god, i really hate her..she's always pushing the blame to others and never to herself...that time when i heard her talking behind my back and blaming me for faults i never did, i really felt like slapping her...f***ing a******....but overall it was fun..hahaz..
to izwan: on the the last night of the camp, me and hariza talked with the guys in their tent..we DIDN'T do anything...i'm not so cheap okie!!!

2006-07-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

i guess..i won't have the chance to blow my candles, making my prefect wish...sillyme, it will and won't happen...

a great birthday indeed..direc at 12 in the morning i received 2 messenges each from my besties; ath and ndiy...god, how sweet of them..i love u guys...muaks..
my mother came back from work...she had the GREATEST present for me...haiz..f***....thank you very, very much my dearest mother...
my first sister..she noticed there was something wrong with me..how sweet of her to say this: 'i don't know what's going through on your mind..but whatever it is..just don't think too much about it..'..it may just appear as a casual remark to you..but coming from a family that rarely spent time together..for the first time in my life, i felt loved..
my second sister was another pain in the ass..i'm just overall f***ing pissed with her...
my dearest cousin...i don't know why..though she has hurt me so deeply..i just can't stop thinking about her..the promises we made to each other...last year, i didn't get to blow my 14 candles, how sweet and thoughtful of her to run errands and buy me a small but cute birthday cake..it was really sweet..i was inide the room when suddenly she came inside and sang for me abirthday song...haiz..i really do miss her...
to my dearest and unforgetable friend, abdul hadi...the sweetest and smartest guy i ever know...the first person to wish me...he's soo sweet..hahaz
kay xian..another sweet guy..before the mid-year exam, he promised me that he would fold stars and put them in a box..just like what yan hao was planning to do for pearl ann's birthday...hahaz...and he really did fulfil his promise...
another year of spending my birthday with no one special...someone i love...well, things are just not meant to be, efe

2006-07-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

i'm sick..Mentally sick...haiz..why can't all this end?...when can i get the best of my life??..when??...will it ever happen??...
im soo confuse..i really don't know what to do with this life of mine...haiz..my friends have been giving me lots, and lots of advise...some say : 'go for it!!' while others say..: 'there's no point'...
i really don't know..truth is i still love him..what should i do??...will there ver be a second chance??will i ever dare to take the chance even after what has happen??haiz...why am i soo stupid to love him soo much...i'm really confuse..maybe i should learn to let things go..but its really hard..it's been months already..but still, theres no change...
efe, move on...theres no point...things won't be and feel the same...MOVE ON!!!!!

2006-07-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

i received an email from my dearest friend..it says:
JULY BABY -->

Fun to be with...*i can't comment anything, it truly depends on what people feel*
Secretive *not so..sometimes i do share things with my besties*
Difficult to fathom and to be understood *i just have to agree with this..i'm very complicated*
Quiet unless excited ortensed *hahaz..true enough*
Takes pride in oneself *erm..maybe..*
Has reputation *D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y!!!*
Easily consoled *hahaz..true..i listen more to people's advise then listening to myself*
Honest *erm..hahaz..i don't think so..but it really depends*
Concerned about people's feelings *true!!*
Tactful *is it??i'm not aware of this*
Friendly *hahaz..very, very true...i love making friends..*
Approachable *hahaz..true..my friends always approach me for advise.i'm weird..i can help poeple..but not myself...*
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable * can't agree more*
Moody and easily hurt *i'll be lying if i disagree...i was hurt a few months ago..and i still can't get over it...well, i love him too much*
Wittyand sparkly, spazzy at times *maybe..AT TIMES!!*
Not revengeful *really??i thought i was..hahaz*
Forgiving but never forgets *very true..haiz..those times...*
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things * of course..who does??...people can tolerate it..but they don't and never liked it*
Guides others physically and mentally * happens to ath..and some other friends..i enjoy helping my friends..i love them..that's why..*
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully *too sensitive, i guess..i ought to change*
Caring and loving *hahaz..is that suppose to be a joke??-but i think its true..i care for my friends..ALL of them*
Treats others equally *erm..depends..i treat my besties extra special of course..*
Strong sense of sympathy *can't deny this...i would cry if i see people suffer..don't believe??ask my bestie, ndiy..i cried when i watched black halk down...i really, really cried..i screamed and shout..no joke*
Wary and sharp *erm..really??hahaz..*
Judges people through observations *true..i don't jugde people by first impression...*
Hardworking. No difficulties in studying *no difficultis in studying..but difficulties in concentrating...*
Loves to be alone *when i'm down..locked myself in my room..and cry my hearts out*
Always broods about the past and the old friends *AGREE!!i always do that..especially on my ex*
Waits for friends. Never looks for friends *well, i have to disagree with this..i enjoy looking and making friends*
Not aggressive unless provoked *isit?..yep..especially when provoked by my izwan..he seems to enjoy disturbing me.. =( *
Loves to be loved *hello!!everybody enjoys that!!*
Easily hurt but takes long to recover *erm..correction: NEVER recover..once hurt..always hurt! the scar will always be there..my life is full of hatred..so peole..take note of this!!hahaz..especially to izwan!*

2006-07-08T06:18:00.000-07:00

what a great day i had..hahaz..went out with ath..actually...i planned to go ice-skating with izwan all that...but i wasn't in the mood..then i called ath in the morning..to tell her about it..then she said:'the boys also don't want to go..they are out of cash'...then ath and i made plans to go out..
we met each other at the bus-stop near my house...then..off we go to town..we went to far east...well truth is, i've never enjoy going there..the place is soo...but today..i started to change my view about the mall..it wasn't that bad afterall...hahaz...ath: i really enjoy the fried mars bars..
then we went over to c.c.k to have our early-dinner...met shaz at the same time..she was really excited and happy to see him...hahaz...then, shaz got to work..so we ate at long john; where retarded people works (according to ath) *soo evil rite..*hahaz...once we stepped into ljs...there was this guy..erm..he seem retarded...seriously..no joke...well he seemed really happy to see ath..hahaaz...i think he kind of likes ath..hahaaz...
then after the heavy dinner, we set off for home...ath waved at shaz who was buzy working...she was so happy..hahaz...we dropped at the stop near the mrt...then we walked home..then, i don't know why..i started to act as though i was crazy...seriously..hahaz...ath: i just have to agree with you that i am short..i do have short legs..haiz..=(

*piture taken in the bus; on the way home

*picture taken in the photo shop

2006-07-07T06:08:00.000-07:00

after school, there is this workshop in the library..it starts at 2 in the afternoon..as usually we are LATE!!no suprises..we are almost never punctual...seriously NEVER!!hahaz..
after that, ath wanted to go cck to pass the $100 present to her beloved ehmm...at first i wanted to go accompany her..but i was too lazy..and there too many people going..plus...then i've already made plans to go down to woodlands to collect the balloons from balloons R us...at first i thought it was a shop kind of thing..but it turns out to be a house..its a business-cum-house kind of thing..hahaz..the person that agreed to sponsor us is Rosie..at first, i really thought she's a chinese lady..but it turn out to be a malay...hahaz...though the amount she's sponsoring is not much, i think it's really nice and sweet of her to agree to it..=)
in the bus, on the way home..i felt so tired..really, really tired...too tired that i slept till i banged my head really hard on the window..it really hurts..hahaz...

2006-07-06T03:44:00.000-07:00

another moody day..i really don't have any idea why i've been feeling down lately...
went out with my friends to food palace...i've been buzy lately and so i thought i could do some catching up..but i don't know why...i didn't join their conversation...ath and faez were as happy as ever..i really envy them..'why cant my life be as bright and cheerful as theirs?'
i don't know why..i just want to cry...life has been really hard on me...theres this guy...hes my ncc sir..hes really nice..knowing how bad i've been...he continuously try to cheer me up..he even gave me advises on life..but..i really didn't work...i'm just weak..meantally weak...sometimes i really wonder...'when will i ever get the best out of life?'...'will it really ever happen?'...now, i've realised that theres no use in hurting myself..NO USE! things will remain the same..sometimes..it get worst...*happened a few months back*...im really starting to lose my grip..

2006-07-05T04:48:00.000-07:00

what a tiring day..but i really had fun
well basically today..mr Richard came down to our school and teach us how to sculptur balloons..i didn't really learn that much..i was buzy pumping air into the balloons..haiz..damn tiring...then after the lesson, we went outside school to sell the balloons..we made a profit of $40++..hahaz..
i don't know why i have been feeling low lately...and every time i feel this way, i really hope i could just disappear...haiz...

2006-07-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

HAIZ...life has been from bad to worst..erm..maybe not tha bad..but i just don't know why i have been feeling low lately...i just feel as though i can't do this anymore...

earlier in the day, i found out that more and more of his friends know about it...i was like F***ing pissed...well, i didn't really like him...I ONLY TREAT HIM AS A FRIEND ONLY..seriously nothing more than that..yet hes making a big deal out of it..well actually it was my fault...i shouldn't have lied to him..haiz...i was just making things worst...
during chemistry, we had our free time..Mrs Lau wasn't in school..so the Desiderio people did our project..we cut out the stras and stuff...i was really happy to see that things are going on smoothly..but there's this guy in my group,Mr. K..he doesn't seem to be contributing anything to the group..haiz...
then, i received a bad news..a VERY bad one..i just feel like crying when i got to know about it...i wish that i was so small and soon i would disappear...hiaz..i really don't know what to do..it is REALLY going to be an embarrassment if the school knows about this...haiz...
after school, checked my handphone..noticed that i received a message...it was from someone i don't know...well..i was really shock when i show the message...i was kind of pissed off...hiaz...people these days...they dont seem to have better things to do..plus..i really don't know how my number is exposed...i only told some of my friends..but now. it seems that people from Loyang sec knows my number...HAIZZZ...
after school, had ncc meeting with the girls..then afterthat, De li came to school with his roller-blade...i was really having fun till i bumped into it...haiz..it really breaks my heart...how i wish that i had never know it...*keep wishing*...i hope i can move on..but its hard..i don't know why...HAIZZ..

haiz...when can things get better..well..will things ever get better?...HAIZZZ!!!

2006-07-03T06:47:00.003-07:00

had fun today..me, ranson together with de li went out to et the stuff for our project..
we were suppose to go and get the balloons from our VWO...

and go over to Creative company to request for sponsorship...we tried calling them..but the machine-operator was TOO SOFT!!...really, really soft..so we planned to go all the way to Jurong for that..but sadly..we arrived at the Jusrong East station at around 6..it was too late..so we made a wasted trip there..=(...it was late afternoon..all of us were very hungry..so went over to mcdonalds to have our dinner...then..we went upstairs for the ice-skating..it was really cold..we left the place soon after as i was starting to get really, really cold..*i'm sensitive to cold temperature*..then we went to the e-zone...ranson tried on one of these machines..he wasted 3 bucks on it..but got nothing out of it..hahaz..too bad..
then it was getting late.we took the mrt back to woodlands to take 168...inside the train..there was this idiotic guy..de li caught him staring at me a lot of times...and he aslo tried to touch my b**!!!IDIOTIC!!..

hahaz..then iside the bus..we tried to sculpture the balloons..we laughed and laughed...made a lot of noise in the bus..hahaz...then leong de li burst the balloon..everyone in the bus turned back and looked at us..hahaz...then theres this guy in the bus who keep looking at me..then leong de li made this comment..'Why you attract alot of guys?...i think you need to change the way you dress..'=(well i really think my dressing is not too obscene..haiz..

*picture we took at the VWO*

2006-07-01T05:59:00.000-07:00

BACKSTABBERS!!!
Is this something that human being will face in life?..Why do such thing exist?What are the REAL reasons for such action?...
Today,i've lost trust in a total of 2 person...They are my best buddy and my cousin...Yes..i have lost faith in them...why must they do this to me?...am i soo gullible..thats wat my bestie said..and i think it's true..well i keep believing people..though they have hurted me badly...i trusted and took in people's sweet-talking...okie2..get back to the story...
well earlier..someone told my mother that a guy helped me to pierce my lips and also told her about my intention of piercing my belly...my friends suspected it was my couzy..i didn't really believed it was her at first coz i love and trust her..so i don't believe it's her doings...but just to confirm things..i called her..she denied..AND I BELIEVED HER!!!then few days passed..my mother got to know that i called her..(it was supposed to be a sercet..and i was not suppose to know...but my sis kept me updated) so i have this feeling that it was my couzy's doings...i was hard for me..VERY2 hard!!i trust her sooo much...then today she messaged me..i gave her a cold shoulder...then she asked:'whats wrong with you'...then the fight started...she kept denying..then don't know why she started talking about my ex and her bf...the i said:'STOP IT!i don't care how u treat....i still don't get it?...wyh are u doing this to me'...then she confessed...
i was like so f****ing pissed..at first she denied..and now she's turning her words..whats this?..how could she do this to me?...what have i done wrong??

2006-06-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'VE BEEN TAGGED!!!
this is for you my dear, ndiy

Instructions 8 different qualities you look for in a lover.
please don't forget to mention the gender!!!

gender: male

*1. must have a high status..which is a good post of job...and can bring in alot of $$..just like my dear Prince Harry(being money-minded...everyone wants the best out of life)

*2. MUST have beautiful eyes...(colored/ big/ long lashes)

*3. must have some kind of talent...singing..dancing...playing instrument..it would be sweet if he can writes songs...i could sing the songs he wrote...or is a singer..so that we can duet

*4. must have a sense of feeling...think before he act...he must be snsitive of people's feeling...(trust-worthy, reasonable, wise, smart..)

*5. he must be true to me...(everyone wants that...hahaz) he must be faithful...

*6. must accept me for who i am, not for what i have

*7. must have his own style..must know fashion..just like pharrell

*8. finally, he must have the looks..sweet/ adorable/ charming/ handsome...+ must not be too tall...coz i'm short..i will feel very weird talking to him...

my ideal partner/ dream partner is: TEDDY GEIGER!!!

im going to pass to:

-jannah

-farna

2006-06-30T03:04:00.000-07:00

I'VE BEEN TAGGED!
thAnks to you, ndiy..hahaz..
*10 favourites:
Favourite color: BLACK, purple..pink(when i feel girlish)
Favourite food: WANTON NOODLE!!( i'm a freak)
Favourite songs: FOR YOU I WILL!!!...i'll never love this way again...bella luna...
(i kind of love lots of songs...i'm a music lover...)
Favourite movie: She's the man..phantom of the opera
Favourite sports: badminton..squash(but not that good)...swimming

*9 currents:
Current mood: reatless..tired(just finish roller-blading)
Current taste: ??not sure..i'm indecisive
Current desktop: TEDDY GEIGER!!!
Current toenail color: painted it white
Current time: 6.13 pm
Current surrounding: not important..i guess..hahaz
Current annoyance(s): liers- backstabbers...stalkers!!

*8 first:
First bestfriend:azureen( kindergarden+primary)
First Crush: this guy from my previous school..can't remember his name
First Movie: ??can't remember
First piercing: ear...when i was very young...
First lie: ??can't remember...im such a good girl..hahaz
First car: not yet..coming..

*7 last:
Last drink: Bird nest
Last car: haven't even goten one yet...too young
Last movie seen: She's the man
Last phone call: mr joe..my mentor
Last C-D played: pussycat dolls

*6 evers:
Have you ever dated one of your bestfriends: yep..but it didn't work out..i felt very weird..
Have you ever broken any laws: erm..don't think so
Have you ever been arrested: nope!!i am such a good girl..hahaz..
Have you ever been on tv: nope..but hope so...
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know: no! unless the guy is good-looking..or maybe TEDDY or PRINCE HARRY!!!ahahz

*5 things you are wearing:
-make up
-my puma top
-my mango skirt
-my beloved watch
-

*4 things you have done today:
- roller-blading (it was fun)
-group discussion for the YMCA thingy
-
-

*3 things i can hear right now
- music...disconnected by the red jumpsuit apparatus
-my sis and bro's voices...playing outsied the room
-whispers of the wind

*2 things i can't live with:
-my mp3

-TEDDY GEIGER!!!

*1 thing you do when i'm bored:
i'll do something that i enjoy..that is SINGING!!!

And for the 5 people:
-jannah
-farna
-yra
-and to those who are not tagged to do so..jus do ar..hahaz..
-

2006-06-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

EVIL mission accomplished..
early in the morning...did as what i planned..i was quite satisfied..but i really hurts me seeing him...when he heard the news...he was kind of devastated..he seemed as though he was and wanted to cry...im really sorry..i feel really terrible..but i have to do what i have to..well..i should have told him earlier but i just don't want to hurt him...but i think he should and ought to know about this..
after school..feeling kind of tired..so i went home straight away...then..something disastrous happened..i was walking home alone after sending ndiy off...then someone called me from the back..i recognized the voice..it was him!!argh!so..i pretended i didn't hear him..then he called me on my cell phone..well i was holding it so i can't possibly just ignore his call..he would see it...he would know that i'm avoiding him...so..made a decision to answer his call...then he asked me to wait for him..then he caught up with me..he send me home and stuff...YUCKS!!i just feeling like telling him in the face that i don't like him..but i don't want to hurt his feelings..but i think he should know that i don't have feelings for him..haiz...wat should i do???

2006-06-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

feeling SUPER tired and pissed..
went home after school to put my bag before going for ncc...found out the TRUTH...i was greatly pissed..never did i expect that the person that i treasure and trust would do such things...
BETRAYAL: To divulge in a breach of confidence: betray a secret
i have always hoped that i would never face this situation but it did happen...what have i done wrong to make her do this to me?..she had always been my listening ear amd always helped me to solve my problems or maybe give advises and stuff..little did i know that it was all BULLSHIT!!!well...should i do the same thing to her?...should i step her in the back and tell her bf about what she has been hiding?...argh!why is this things happening to me?...i still don't understand why she denied the other when i asked her about it...seriously...feel like ending this relationship...this cousin thingy...all RUBBISH!!!

2006-06-27T03:11:00.000-07:00

another dae of headache...
finally decided to go to school..school was SOOOO BORINGGG!!!well, but i decided to change...i want to TRY to concentrate in class...i want to do well in studies...have to kick ALL the bad habit...
broke a bad news to my bestie...well i felt really sorry for her..but i think it is really neccessary for me to tell her this before she suffer humiliation...im sori girl...i just don't want you to get hurt...but i think i failed to do so... IM REALLY SORRY GIRL...
saw it...i jus cant forget about the past...i tried to..but every time i see it..it just hurt me so badly...i know i have to get over it...i just have to.....don't worry ndiy...i will heed your advice...i will...

2006-06-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

i was away from school stress...i wasn't feeling well today...seeing how i badly i suffered, she gave me the permission to skip school...heard that school ended late for the upper secondary...haiz...what luck...
then...my mother called home...my 1st sis told me that someone called my mother to tell her about the lip-piercing and my intention of getting my belly-pierced...i was really GREATLY pissed..well at first i thought it was my couzin...i really thought it was her..it has to be her...i don't think my two bestie would do such thing...so i called her up to confirm...well how dumb was i...obviously she would deny...and indeed she did...well i don't want to accuse anyone..but seriously...i really think it has to be her..who else can it be???

2006-06-25T04:32:00.000-07:00

another fight...got a fight with my sisters...oh god!..i'm pissed...i wanted to use the god damn computer...my 1st sis has been using it all day...from 10-5...so i told her..i wanted to use the computer...she said:"wait, im using it..."then i said:"ok..i give you up to 5.30"then she agreed...when the time came...shes still not done using the computer...i was greatly pissed..she asked me to wait for maybe another hour...*argh*..then i throwed tantrums and stuff...well i turned up the volume of the radio...i was really loud and i enjoyed it...then comes my 2nd sis...she was also inside the room with me...she was kind of irritated with the loud music...so she asked me to lower it down..being stubbron..i just ignored her...then she came up to me and snatched the speaker...i was really pissed...cause at that time i was listening to my favourite song...then she said: "i will only give you back if you turn the volume down" ..i turned to her and said: "i would do so if you plug it back" ..she ignored me..i was really, really pissed...so i plugged the wire myself..showing my temper i turn up the volume to the fullest...then can't really remember what happen...but one thing i remembered we started calling each other names and stuff...haiz..is it me or is everyone trying to piss me...i don't know why i've been feeling down and moodless lately...i even thought of....

2006-06-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

what a day!a bad day indeed!mother found out about the piercing...she was really angry about that...but she was really sweet...knowing that it was swollen..she asked me to apply lotion...but that's beside the point...i am really angry and pissed with that f***ing 2nd sis of mine..she was the one who told my mother about it...i wonder when she will stop bothering me...i still don't get it...'why is she doing all this?'...argh!ndiy wanted me to seek revenge...but...i don't feel like...revenge is indeed sweet but i just don't feel like making things worst...but im really angry with her...haiz..what to do?...you just can't please to people...
im really sori shaz...me and ndiy made u come all the way to tampines to do the piercing but in the end..we have no choice but too close it...well i just dun think it suits me...well as most people say..i have an innocent look...so maybe that's the reason why i should really not keep it...i'm sorry that you made a wasted trip over to tamipnes...

2006-06-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

i went for the civil defence course with ndiy...i was actually there as a specialist so i thought i need not participate much...but i end up having to take the course and had to sit for the test...there i made quite a number of specialist friends from different school...the course turn out to be great...though i made a fool out of myself for about 6-7 times...i was really embarrassed...
then met up with ath and her friend shaz...it was the 2nd time i met him...he was there actually to help me and ndiy pierce...yap..pierce...me and ndiy wanted to pierce our lower left lip...it was suppose to be a friendship kind of thing...well ndiy went first...it took very long for her to get pierced...VERY LONG..well i really freaked out when i saw the process...it seemed so yucky and painful...her blood keep flowing...at first i wanted to not proceed with the piercing...but she said it wasn't as painful as m*********...so it really cooled me down...then she left for home leaving me,ath and shaz...then the time has come...it was my turn!!!but i was kind of cool...shaz came to me with the needle...sharp needle...then i closed my eyes...hoping it won't be that painful...then went i opened my eyes...shaz told me that it was done only that he had to put the earstick inside...everything seemed to be happening fast...at first i could not really feel the pain..but as seconds passed, the pain got sharper and sharper....he wanted to continue but i told him to stop..my mouth was full with saliva...i wanted to swallow them but it was hard...
then he comforted me...then he continued...i was really happy...=) he commented and somehow praised me of being brave that kind of thing...but overall im really happy to have a new piercing..=)

2006-06-21T06:21:00.000-07:00

my two girlfriends came over to my house just now...have lots of fun...i really miss them so much...our plans to meet up always come to a waste...well actually i prefer to stay home..*hahaz*...we were suppose to study..but we end up talking...talking about self-piercing and stuff...i kind of excited when ath shared her experience...she had hers on her right lower lips...i was really interested in having myself pierced...it has been quite some time ever since i got one...then me and ndiy planned to get ourself pierced...on our left lower lips...then we tried piering on ndiy..coz she wants to have one on her ear...but..shes a coward...real coward...*hahaz no offence*...i still remember clearly how bragged about getting her tongue pierced...
then when they went back, i tried piercing my right ear..the first try was a failure..*kind of upset*...but amazingly it didn't bleed as much as i thought...then after some time...i tried it again...and..it was..a..SUCCESS!!=)i was so excited...now i have a total of 6 earholes..=)at first i already had 6...but my mother didn't like me to have a lot...so i was left with 5...but now i have 6..=)stubborn me...*hahaz*

2006-06-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

first time in my whole entire life someone say that to me...*pissed*...i really hate it when anyone go against me...my dreams...who say it won't happen?..well u are not god...so don't try to predict the future for me...by the way...your words didn't bring me down...instead...it pulled my spirits higher...thanks...well...u know what...i don't need your support...i have my friends...i am going to prove you wrong some day...

2006-06-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

read someone's blog..half way reading, i cried..*as usual*...i wonder when i will stop being emotional...hahaz...but this person moved me...he inspired me inside out...though hes sick...suffering from an unusual sickness...*hope not life-threatening*...he never give up...
as a person...though i know how fragile this life can be...i never treasure it...i have always wished that i was naver born into this world...this PATHETIC and MEANINGLESS world...life is really unfair...*it never was*...
oh lord..please take away my life instead...dun let him suffer...just take my life as a substitute...please..*on my knees*

2006-06-15T02:06:00.000-07:00

hell ya!!hah!
its my turn now!!REVENGE!!!its the SWEETEST thing ever...the best thing i can ever think of..

2006-06-15T01:47:00.000-07:00

read sumone's blog...i was realie pissed off...+i feel really F***ed up...i should have known beter...u've given me clues about it...but because i don't want to spoil it all, i didn't react..*though my heart really3 hurts so BADLY*...
i thought you really mean what you said to me...all the sweet, mushy things...but little did i know..it was full of crap...is it true?..did it hit you right in your bloody, f****ing face?...shit you for deceiving me...well, just f*** off!!
made a TERRIBLE mistake for letting you into my heart...how could you?...ARGH!!!the first time when i was told something bad you were hiding from me...you denied..but now..i know it was true all along...
CONCLUSION MADE: guys are just full of crap...don't EVER trust or take their words seriously...j****!!! ALL guys are the same!!!

2006-06-15T01:13:00.000-07:00

yesterdae...went over to ndiy's house for social studies project something about conflicts...I was late AGAIN!!hahaz..I promised her that i will be there; at her house at 2...but i reached there about 3...hahaz..i wonder when i will change this bad habit of mine...*but i wasn't completely my fault*...before going to her house, my family and i(execpt my step-dad) went over to TM..just to get a freaking present for my step-bro..it was his birthdae...he's really lucky...being the only son in the family..he gets almost EVERYTHING he wants..that's not fair...
at ndiy's house..we watched 'hotel rwanda'...the movie seemed boring at first but it turned out great...*i almost cried*...also, i learned about a SHOCKING news...i really couldn't believe my ears when she told me about it...

2006-06-12T01:39:00.000-07:00

I really had fun yesterday…a friend of mine, farhan, gave me a treat. We watched benchwarmers…it was really hilarious. I laughed my hearts out throughout...
Then we went to the arcade… I tried the car-racing…and I suck in that…farhan wasn’t that good too…hahaz…there is this particular guy I know…we went to the same arcade on our first double date with Qudy and Faez…Together with another guy, they raced…and he won…hahaz…I was really impressed…

2006-06-12T01:10:00.000-07:00

I truly am so confused…I just don’t know what to do with this uncontrollable life of mine…why can’t I be like an ordinary teenager? Why can’t I have fun and not stress myself by thinking too much about all this freaking problems…why can’t anyone understand me? Instead they add on to my stress…life is really driving me crazy… how I wish I can be as happy as I was before…I was really happy when I found him… argh! How stupid can I get?

2006-05-30T02:47:00.000-07:00

Looking at the people around me
Ouh…it hurt me so
I could have gotten it all
We could have still be together as we used to
Exchanging and sharing this special love

I am all to blame
I shouldn’t have done it
Never did I thought that things would turn out to be like this
And now, you’re no longer talking to me..
No longer here with me

I should have confessed
Explain everything to you
But time wasn’t on my side
Right now I feel empty without you
No love or protection from you

I am such a fool
Doing things that I know would made you mad
But now, there’s nothing I can do
I pray hard every night
That you would come back to me
But I know things would not be the same again

Your love for me will not exist anymore
I know it won’t
But no matter what
I would still love you the same
No baby, don’t you leave me

I am nothing without you
I need you
So please don’t go

wrote it myself..nice or not?..

2006-05-30T02:34:00.000-07:00

He's out! should i be happy?...nah!i don't think so...why should i bother for someone who don't care about me?..but after all hes my father..
oh lord..please help me..i really need some advise right now...should should i not forgive him?

2006-05-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

life have been hard for me..i really feel helpless and hopless..studies, family, YMCA project, love life..haiz
why cant i live a peaceful life like others..and why is my dad doing this to me?..doesn't he love me?..a better question is does he ever love me?..well i don't think i mean anything to him..there only person that he ever care for is that freaking b****!i don't know what he sees in her..she is so damn ugly..ARGH! saying all this only frusfrate me..

2006-04-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

another day of misery...Love? why does love exist in this world?i am suffering badly because of this stupid thing called love...but i should be blamed..i placed my whole heart for him...i shouldn't have done it...and now i have to bear with the consequences...but love made me learn how to be patient and faithfull...

2006-04-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Happiness. Everyone would experience this feeling at any point of their life. People express the feeling of happiness in two different ways, to smile or even to cry. I always believed that happiness does not exist in my life. My world is full of misery and loneliness. My parents are so busy with their work that I felt like I feel like my existence in life is meaningless. Friends also do not exist in my life. They are just back-stabbers. Life would be more miserable with friends around you. Never did I realize that my opinion of life would change. I was carrying stacks of books when I bumped into someone. I was really pissed of especially when my books fell to the ground. I bend down to pick them. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” I looked up and saw a well-dressed young man. Sparks begin to sparkle up between the two of us. I came back to my senses and walked away. I had promised myself that I would never fall in love. Having friends are just a waste of time so is falling in love. Guys are just out there to hurt girls and also to satisfy their needs.

Ever since the incident, I keep asking myself:" Maybe it is time for me to be loved and to feel what love is. “But I feared that love would make me breakdown or even lead to obsession. After much consideration, i decided to stick to my opinion that love is just a waste of time.

I was having lunch alone in the school canteen when the same guy I bumped to previously approached me. “How are you? I’m Mike. We started chatting. At first I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him as I am a loner and preferred to be alone. But soon I realized talking to him was fun. He is a funny person who loves cracking jokes. Being alone and boring all these years, it felt really good talking to him and laughing at his jokes at the same time. Knowing him was the biggest and treasured gift from god.

Weeks passed. We became closer. He was my listening ear and also my advisor. There was no secret between us. Soon, I became more socialized. All it is all thanks to him. I began to change for the better. I finally got over my fear of talking or expressing myself to people.

Mike and I got so close that love grew between us. Mike gave me all the attention I needed. He was everything to me. Knowing him was the best and treasured gift ever. My life is now surrounded with happiness. And it is all because of him.

2006-03-30T00:05:00.000-08:00

today i went back to school...actually i am still on an m.c but i really miss my friends...staying home would make me further stress...well when i reached school everyone asked me the same old question:farah, are you okay...it is really irritating!but one thing that i am touched is that there is this good friend of mine name munir...my friends told me that he cried when he learned that i was sent to the hospital...i was really touched!never did i thought that a guy would cry for me...but one thing that i am unhappy is that the person that love me and that i love didn't even feel anything...he didn't even asked how was i feeling...how could he be so cruel...

2006-03-29T23:56:00.000-08:00

yesterday was so dramatic...my breathing problems came back again..it was during the national anthemn before doing the morning exercise...i really shocked everyone including diyana my best friend...she really cares about me...well i actually feel very bad cause i troubled a lot of people that included mdm fauziah...i aws really touched by her actions and words...she made me alive again..she made me realise how precious life is...well.i didn't really like her at first but after the incident,i begin to like her...

2006-03-28T04:26:00.000-08:00

today,i had physical education.we are to train for our 2.4km run.but today we had to run 5-6 rounds around the school within 30 minutes...after 5 rounds i started to have this pain in my chest...not long after,i started to have breathing difficulty.i seriously thought that i was going to die...i can't seem to breathe in any air so i stopped...telling the teacher that i can't go on and that i was having difficulty in breathing...but the teacher insist on me walking another round or else the pain would be worst...i listened to his instruction but it made me feel worst...
during physics lesson,my condition got worst and i was sent to the sickbed...it was my first time there...diyana,sharfirin,li qiang and ranson were there...they helped me a lot...but i was mostly touched by diyana and sharfirin's love and care...i wouldn't be fine if it is not for the both of them...once again to diyana and sharfirin...THANK YOU!

2006-03-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

i am so excited...i am selected to go for the sec 1 camp...i am in-charge of elastigirl of the incredibles...i am so excited...last week,we are supposed to desin a flag...guess what? it was a success...it turn out to be very nice...and i am proud to say this...elastigirl all the way....!!!

2006-03-06T19:49:00.000-08:00

I am so fat. My friends and family also say that. Every time when there is a family outing, everyone thought that i was the eldest child.The reason is that i was the fattest among my sisters. But all i could do is walk away with embarrassment.

I was browsing this magazine when i came across with these article. It was about a girl who is suffering from an illness called bulimia. At the end of the arcticle was a picture of her. She was really very skinny.'How i wish i was like her,'i thought. Then an idea came to my mind. I can look like her if i am suffering the same illness as she is.

So every time i had my meal i would go to the toilet. I would force myself to vomit the food that i had earlier. I left the toilet happy.Happy as if it was my greatest achievement. I got hooked up with doing these that it became a habit now

A month passed.The result was incredible. I could not believe my eyes when i saw my weight on the weighing machine.I used to be 60kg and mow after i had bulimia, i am now only 40kg. I manage to lose 20kg in a month that my greatest achievement. 'Lucy,you lost so much weight. Tell me what is you secret...'I often get this comment. I am really glad that i no longer look like the eldest in my family.

Though I lost so much weight, i still did not stop my habit. After vomiting, i would look into the mirror and wipe away my tears. These tears would always roll down my cheeks whenever i vomit.I am not too sure why. Maybe it is the tears of joy that i lost weight or it could be the tears of pain, forcing myself to throw out.But still, i enjoy doing this.

Then one day i woke up from my deep slumber. It was then i realised how bad my breath smell. I went to the toilet to brush my teeth, thinking the smell would go away. But my theory was wrong.The smell was still there. I also realised that some of my teeth had decayed.It was horrible. I looked ugly with those teeth.On that same day, i went to consult the dentist. Upon looking at my teeth, the dentist notice that something was wrong. The dentist kept pressurising me to tell him the truth.But I cried terribly, denying the fact.I was in a dilemma.I really did not know what to do or say.

I did not tell him the truth. I just told him that i had not brush my teeth for quite some time. Though i lied to him, he still eyed me suspiciously. 'Ok then. But do remember that the habit of bulimic is not a healthy. It may even cause death,' he advised. His advise fell on deaf ears.

I continued my habit until one day i was very ill. My mother was worried so she forced me to consult the doctor. I did not agree to this at first but after a long lecture from her, i agreed.

I entered the room,terrified. As expected the doctor asked me the same question: Are you having bulimia?But this time i cried and confessed.I figured it was pointless to deny again. The doctor gave me some advises. 'You made the right move to ask for help. You are actually in critical stage but it can still be cured provided you stop the habit.' I really took the advise seriously.

I reliased that it was also pointless having a perfect body-shape but suffering deep inside. I used to wipe my tears of joy after vomitting but now all i wipe are tears of sorrows.

2006-03-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

mr ong has given my class a topic, flight...well...i am not sure what to write about...okay...i just share my exprience in an aeroplane...

well the first time i ever boarded a plane was when i was in primary 4...my family: my grandmother, my sister ,my mother,my step-father and i went to australia, gold coast...as a kid i was very excited...and to add in it was my first time...

actully, i wasn't really that excited...i was more of worried...my aunt joked that some of the aeroplane sank into the deep ocean...as there were many big-sized people...being young, i had a huge appetite...so i was big...so after learning the story i was really frightened that it would really happen...i was a fool to believe this made-up story....

but now that i am a grown-up, i know what was going on...things like this would seldom occur...it depends on your luck and not your weight...so whenever i discuss about the word flight, i will always remember the made-up story...it is really funny...

well recently, my aunt went to Korea...she is now safe at home...she said her trip there was horrendous...the only food that she can eat is the fastfood: KFC...it was really easy to find a halal restaurant...but despite that, she commented that the shopping there are cheap...saying that, i thought she bought a lot of gifts...but she came back and boght for me a VON-DUTCH shirt for me...i was really not happy to receive it...i hate the brand...but i can't simply say that to her...so i guess i have to humiliate myself and wear it...just to show appreciation

2006-02-23T21:27:00.000-08:00

yesterday i went to watch the rugby match...at 3pm,there was a match between st. andrews and bedok north...st andrews won...i really think that they are good...then at 4.30pm,there was another match vetween my school and bukit batok...well of course, my school won...but there are things that i am not happy with...one of bukit batok players actually did dirty moves...that player attack andrew (my school's player)...andrew got really angry...he seem very scary when he got angry...i have never seen anyone as bad temper as he is...but so what...my school team still won

2006-02-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

oh my god!i think i am in love...he is not that good-looking but why am i attract to him...well love is blind...
after my breakup 2 years ago,i told myself not to like or adore anyone...well maybe i was feeling sick with relationship...at that time i conclude that all guys are the same...they are all egoistic...i really hate this kind of attitude...
well so now i am finally in love again!it feels kind of strange and i don't know the reason why...what should i do?i really want to concentrate on my studies...i don't want this kind of thing to distract my mind...maybe i should try to get over him...but how?

2006-02-23T21:09:00.000-08:00

sad!sad because of my mother...how could she do this to me...at first she allowed me to go mount ophir...then suddenly she disallow...what should i do?all my close friends are going...
at the same time,i am also angry...angry with this girl...i hate her...at first she said she wouldn't want to mount ophir because she don't me to be alone during the ncc unit camp...and now she have decided to go...argh!i am so pissed off...
and to you diyana...i am so touch by your actions...although your plan didn't work,but still i feel blessed to have a best friend like you...but i am sory that i can't go mount ophir with you...i am so sorry...but anyways i still have farisha and...

2006-02-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

l am suffering from a disease...i realise this for quite some time...the other day...i went over to my aunt's house...and she realise that i was sick...her family knows everything...oh my?what should i do...should i consult the doctors?...

2006-02-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

song? i really love this topic...i am music lover...my friends say that i seem to know all the songs in the world...i don't really agree to this statement...all i can say is that,i appreciate songs or to be more percific music...musics mean everything to me...and i really want to thatnk the singers,musicians to still keep music spinning around the world...special thanks to kelly clarkson...i really adore her...she has got a powerful vocal...and i really envy her for that...i wnat to be like her...isn't it great to have people to appreciate you...imagine you walk on the streets and people comment that you have or produce great songs...and it touches their life...i really would like that to happen...but of course there is always another group that will continuously trying to bring you down...but nevermind of that...

the reason why i enjoy listenning to musics is that it is a way to describe myself...also to describe my feelings...for an example: confession of a broken heart (daughter to father) by lindsay lohan...i really describes the way iam feeling...the song is about her real life experience...she really loves her father but he seem to not even care about her...just like me...

songs are also catogorise accordingly (genre) ...there is pop ,heavy metal,jazz,classic and more...the only one genre that i can't really accept is heavy metal...it is not that i don't enjoy it...the music is just strange...but i still listen to that type of music though...only when i am feeling grumpy or mad...

2006-02-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

today my good friend who is sitting beside me is not aound. he is absent.and because of that the atmosphere of the class is so QUIET!! i have this difficulty of studying in quiet environment...meaning whatever the class learn today,i wouldn't understand it...to my friend,please come back to school tommorrow...

2006-02-14T01:04:00.000-08:00

i am still at farisha's house...her brother had volunteered to fry something for us to eat...as i said earlier i came over to lose some fats but now i end up gaining fats...as her brother,fry using a large quantity of oil!!!!that is so fatting...should i or should i not eat them?

2006-02-14T01:00:00.000-08:00

why are there evil people in this world?and why do they enjoy making people's life miserable...there is this particular person that i know who would do anything to make people sad...and that person is someone who used to related to me...and now i regard her as though she's DEAD!i am so ashamed to have her in my family...

2006-02-14T00:54:00.000-08:00

my sister had this boyfriend...he is really a nice guy...he is quite talented...my sister is reallylucky to get him...he really treats her like a princess...oh ya...he tried auditioning for the singapore idol...and guess what?he got through...i will be supporting him

2006-02-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

i had physics TA1...i really thought that i was going to fail...as i don't really understand the subject...i don't really like the teacher...but today when i received the results,i was so happy...i pass! well it it not relly done very well but at least i pass

2006-02-14T00:45:00.000-08:00

me and my family just came back from our chinese new year holiday...i didn't really had fun...i quarelled with my aunt...she was such a *****!!my mother asked me to pick anything i want...then suddenly she came to me and said i was spoilt...that's not right...i am NOT SPOILT...i don't really get the things that i want...

2006-02-14T00:41:00.000-08:00

me and my bestfriend went over to farisha's house...our purpose was to play badminton...actually my main idea was to lose weight...i don't want to be fat...but i end up injuring my ankle...i really hurts...and it was all thanks to diyana who surf the shuttlecock very high...

2006-01-26T17:53:00.000-08:00

i am supposed to talk about this word,gracious. i am not that sure about what to write... i am not that spontaneous person...so don't mind if what i'm writing is nonsense.

to me, gracious person is someone who is polite and courteous. well no one in this world is that gracious.everyone is rude in their own ways but only some who don't show it to people...so you can never judge a book by its cover...example: there is this classmate of mine...she is nice person...she almost did no mistake... she did her homework...interact well with her friends and seems to enjoy helping others...she's also seemed to not be a rude person...i envied her...i wanted to be like her...so i became closer to her...i was very shock to know that she is an exact opposite thing that we thought she was...so from then on i really thoght that there is no such gracious person in this world...

actually i tried to be more gracious...i wanted to be the most polite and courteous person ever...i tried doing all the noble things like saying 'please' and 'thank you' and also tried helping my friends...trying to change their perception of me...but everything failed...i can't be what i am not...so if there is such person in this world i will seriously respect that particular person...

if such things really exist, ithink we will be living in peace...there will never be war...isn't that great...you see people dying from a horrendous war...innocent people killed...arh! i can't take it anymore...people can't be more gracious as they can't seem to work out their differences...is it that hard to sy 'thank you' or 'sorry'...why can't everything be perfect...people soon will not even dare to take a walk in the park or even go out doing thier usual routine...

maybe i should bring this matter up...i just can't let matters like this be let alone...some thing must be done...why is everyone who shares the same opinion as i do don't dare to bring this up?
why!why!

'do what you want others to do onto you' this is what i learned when i was younger...my mother always remind me about this...she said if you want others to respect you and be polite to you, you must do the exact same thing to people...maybe people are not practicing this that much...oh yes...the other day when i came back home from school, i saw this two driver...person A was talking to the security guard...he was blocking the main entrance of the carpark...then come person B...he wanted to drive his car in but was unable to...as the entrance was blocked...so he honk at person A... person A was got so angry that he started using vulgar language to person B...soon they start fighting... well for this i really thought that the both men was at fault...person A could have drive further in and not block the entrance...by this he is not being selfish or self-centred...whereas person B shouldn't have honked at person B. he could have been more patient...instead of starting the fight,why can't they apologise...i am so disappointed at this two men...being older, they should set some good example...

2006-01-24T01:20:00.000-08:00

i believe that everyday is a new day for me to start afresh. No more having fun. i got to leave it all behind. It's best for me and also my friends! I want us all together as a class to do well for the o-levels.

"leaving behind those carefree days, as a better life lies ahead"

2006-01-24T01:17:00.000-08:00

This year is going to be a stressful year for me and so i have to stop hanging out with my close friends and focus on my studies. i really want to be a successful person in life. i don't wish to be a failure. i want people to look up on me as a role model.(if only i could, haha...)

2006-01-24T01:05:00.000-08:00

me and my buddies had started this band...it's called the BROKEN DOLL HOUSE!!
i am the vokalis,ath is the bass,faez was originally the drummer but she swap with natasha and now she's playing the lead guitar,natasha is (as you know) the drummer.there is this another person who is suppose to play as the rhythm...but my band members dislike her:firstly is because of her character and she haven't even started to learn playing the guitar...now there is vacant position for the particular position...
we are starting,if possible,around this year...YEAH! i have longed to start a band but i am that sure that i can sing a punk-rock songs

2006-01-24T00:59:00.000-08:00

ouch! my neck hurts! thanks to one of my school friends who was rough...during the break time, my friends and i played this so-called game...the person who can tap people's forehead the most wins the game...
me and this particular friend was playing this stupid game and he accidentally hit my neck...it really hurts...should i visit the doctors?

2006-01-24T00:32:00.000-08:00

today is another boring day...my class had a mini E maths test...it really stress me out as i thought it was going to be a difficult one...but i was wrong...i was so simple and i have confidence to do well in this test...
previously we played badminton during PE lesson...my partner was actually monica...she's a good player but i swap with Ranson as i wanted to verses with yan hao...yan hao is another good player...but one thing i hate about him when playing the badminton is that he likes to drive the shuttlecock too hard...

i went over to farisha's house...there,i went to weigh myself...erm...i didn't lose or gain weigh.oh god please help me...i really want to lose this freaking fats that is all over me! i did many things to lose weight...i ran for 30mins, did 100 crunches and also went for crash diets...okay maybe i should go aneroxic...

2006-01-24T00:23:00.000-08:00

for this coming chinese new year,me and my family is going for a holiday to malaysia (sigh)...i hate this idea...my mom plan this as we didn't manage to go to Korea during the december holiday (thanks to some people who have caused so much misery)...and i am suppose to skip school for 2 days...i hate it.it's the only way to see my friends...but actually i want to go somewhere to release my stress...i need to go SHOPPING!

2006-01-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

4 weeks of school had past...at first i thought i couldn't cope with this new life but i'm starting to get used to it...mr jae is my form teacher...i used to think he was racist and bias...but after knowing him better,my thoughts about him changed...he is hillarious and committed to the class but he gets a bit harsh with the words he used at times...especially towards this guy...but overall he's nice...

ms ross is my social studies taecher...we had a misunderstanding previously but our relationship was okay after the clss apologises to her...well actually i kind of like her way of teaching...it was really shocking that i understood her lesson...(i have always hated this subject)

ms neo is my physics teacher ...oh my god is only what i can say...to be frank,i don't understand a single lesson she taught...no words can express her ********** way of teaching...it's worst than you ever thought

mrs ramous teaches me geography...i love her...she is very funky...she looks like an indian but speaks like an ang moh...her teaching method is not that bad...at least i understood every lesson of hers..

mrs low teaches me chemistry...she's okay...her method 0f teaching is also not that bad...

okay..enough of talking about my teachers...i really hope that i can do well for my final exam...hope that i can get $500 this year

2006-01-17T23:07:00.000-08:00

there is something i wish to say...i want to tell everyone about this...don't think i need people to pity me because i don't need one...i just somehow want to embarrass this particular person...he is now serving his jail term...he said he didn't want to see me...i guess he hates me...but what did i do?i was young and i don't know anything...
he is a unreasonable,uncaring,irresponsible,heartless...and most of all he is EVIL...i hate him...he blamed my mother for landing him in jail...i don't think she's wrong...she's doing the right thing...hello!!he owned my mother a total of $30,000 over and he said my mother is to blame...i am so stupid...all this while i have been waiting for him thimking he will come back and love me...but no!
i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!i hate him!

2006-01-17T22:08:00.000-08:00

we had assembly today...it was about a musical broadway...those who are interested are able to join...well actually i am interested...but i simply not sure if i can take it...it's time consuming...if i can't even have time for myself what about this...oh lord...i don't know what to do...should i join or should i not...i am truly interested and i just feel like singing and acting...what to do?can someone give me an advise...but will the same thing happen again...the incident of the odyssey of the mind...

2006-01-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

yesterday was the worst day of my life...my class had a tiff with our social studies teacher...it was terrible but both the parties were at fault...we shouldn't have been rude to her...but somehow she's just too unreasonable...i really pity mr jae for going through this huge mess because of us...

then,late afternoon,i had a fight again...with my mother... she don't seem to understand me...i was so damn,freaking tired..but she continuosly asked ordered me to do things...i didn't even had the time to do my revision...oh my...why is all this happening to me...i hate it...why can't i live peacefully...how i wish i was someone else...or better still,not exist in this world...oh lord,please help me...

2006-01-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

today mr jae got 3e3 an assignment...we are supposed to talk about orange..
as far as i know orange is a colour and a fruit...orange reminds me of my best friend, N diyana and also my step-sister.
N diyana simpy loves the orange colour.She will go nuts just for that colour.she said it kind of represent her in some ways...she said everyone should have a colour to represent themselves...an orange person,according to her,is a bright person...Always thinking of the bright side of life.Always happy...well i guess it simply suit her.she is that bubbly person,always happy...
well as for my step-sister...i remembered the time she tried orange(fruit).Her expression was so...cute. She was running around the house saying...sour!!!she is so cute...
orange, somehow also represent something.Chinese New Year...well the chinese exchanges the oranges for money(not that sure)... But somehow it is important on Chinese New Year...
when given this topic i am sure Delaila(my classmate) would go horny...why?because...what do you get when you place 2 oranges together and put against your chest?well i can't say out the answer...it's not right to say it to the public...
well...i guess that's it...i don't really like orange...that's why when i was given this topic my mind went completely blank..
farah erfina...

*** 'fabelhaftes' Leben von meinen***

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